My loyal followers – who now number over 2.5 million… Oh no, sorry, it’s the toilet seat in the bog on Love Island that has that number of devotees. I’m not bitter and angry though, I’m long past that.
Anyway: my thrilling musings on the stories in Metro newspaper have apparently been sorely missed, so I have boarded the 9:32 from Hassocks to save you from the nightmarish tedium at looking at a picture of someone you don’t like’s dog, licking it’s bollocks on the family sofa.
Yes it’s the story about the cops who tasered and pepper sprayed a 92 year old amputee in a St Leonard’s care home.
They have, properly in my eyes, been found not guilty of assaulting the old sod. Donald Burgess was lurching around like Stephen Hawking on Angel Dust with a kitchen knife telling the care home manager “I’m going to murder you and I’ll enjoy it.” What were the poor bobbies supposed to do? Make him a nice cup of tea and ask him to not be so silly? No! Taser and blind the old bugger, he should know better.
These old folk absolutely lose their shit and it all comes out. My father, whose previous swearing amounted to the occasional ‘drat!’ if Cardiff City lost, took to calling the nursing team ‘fucking bitches’ once his marbles had left the building. My mother started swearing and moaning about my father only once the Alzheimer’s kicked-in. My father-in-law is coming out with some rather, err, fruity proclamations since his mental decline.
Donald Burgess was obviously a closet psycho and needed putting in his place.
I’m booked in at Dignitas….
