Particle Physics: Easy. Concentrate in school instead of smoking fags, listening to prog-rock and chasing girls
Writing Epic Metaphysical Poetry: Just need the right drugs and wealthy parents to support you throughout your lazy miserable life.
Crack-den orgy with high-class hookers: Simple, just extend your overdraft or become a violent semi-professional criminal.
Get on Love Island: Have big tits (that’s the blokes), an IQ of less than 76, a narcissistic streak as wide as the Mississippi and be able to talk about ‘being on a journey’ without dribbling.
Make classic album: A baby gibbon with GarageBand on an iPad and a days supply of bananas could knock out dubstep monster.
Cure for cancer: Get multinational drug companies to focus less on profits for, say, six months and…. bang. Done.
Shag Madonna: Speak in cockney accent for four or five minutes.
Tear off enough cling film to wrap half an onion: Fuckingly, shittingly, bollockingly impossible. Bastards & Buggeration!
