Why is it always the fucking Welsh? We seem to breed idiots like the lovely Ruth – who, incidentally wins the prize for the Prison Officer who has had the most cosmetic procedures by quite a margin – who shag murderers and send badly written love letters to violent drug dealers. I’ve been logging the incidence of such stories and it’s always in bloody Wales.
Now, Ruth is from Pontypridd, a town where I’ve seen 18st prop forwards openly weeping and asking to be taken from the rugby field as they cannot cope with the ultra-violence perpetrated by their opponents in the freezing horizontal rain. So Ruth is a hard cow.
She also needs professional support as this is not her first brush with wooing the criminal classes, she has, ahem, a record as long as your arm when it comes to getting loved-up with violent criminals. Are the blokes in Pontypridd that bad? Don’t people find meaningful love on the wonderous internet? What is this attraction that some women develop for banged-up baddies? It’s not a new story and it keeps on happening…
I have a plan to get to the bottom of this puzzling trend. I’m off out to turn over a building society in Hammersmith, tooled-up, shooters, the lot. I shall make sure I’m caught and suitably incarcerated: then sit back and watch the pussy roll in.
I shall report fully during this important social experiment.
